James Frey

When one is an addict
can memories all
be clear and crisp
does everything
make sense
perhaps in a delusional state
all is real it is happining
and that is how one remembers it

I for one am not a addict
and when the worst happens
thoughts begin to crumble
there is no clearness
only confustion
will I remember it
the way it happened
or will I fabricate it
will the memories be truth
try as I might
I truly cannot answer that
question

James Frey is a
addict and writer
this is what he knows
perhaps that one word
"based" might have made
a differience

Either way
the book is what it should be
a delusional addict
in all accounts of his life
struggling to be clean
trying to get rid of the fury

I read the book and the one after
enjoyed them both
took it from where is was coming from

truth or lies
or can they be one

Wayne

I found out today
that I have lost
an acquaintance
48yrs old
aneurysm
no warning he had
no way of stopping it

gone just like that

he would visit me
in my office and we
would chat
he was working on his
marriage things were good
two boys he had
they must miss him so

spoke to his wife
gave her my sympathy
as she sobbed
i could only say
how he loved her
he told me so
and then no words
nothing more

he told me recently
how happy he was
"happiest i've been
in a while" he said

was that a sign

will we ever know

Overflow

I feel very overwhelmed
today nothing seemed clear
no brightness
only confusion
work comsumes me
can't function well
when I am pulled
in all directions

Try I might
stay calm
take a deep breathe
next!

So much on my mind
in a couple of months
a big occasion that
I cannot attend
not allowed
it weighs on my mind
need to find something
to overflow it

Ahhh! Excerise
I doubt it

My eldest nephew
is 26 today
cried this morning
thinking how quick
26yrs can fly by
he has turned into
an amazing young man
he warms my heart

need to find a overflow
its gotta be there
I will search

Nixzmary

sad this story
weighing on my mind
all week

brooklyn ny

7yr darling little girl
black hair brown eyes
abused and killed by her step dad
her mom well just not sure
did she need the acceptance
from the step dad
did she need it so badly
she ignored the cries
of her little girl

and where are all
who r supposed to help
does anyone anywhere
do their job
r we all so overwhelmed
that reality is defined
by tv shows

i am hopes
this little black haired beauty
is safe..calm..peaceful
7yrs that is all she got
no fault of her own

now her mom
and stepdad facing
a very long time in jail
it is where they should be
they do not and should not
belong within us

four other children
where do they go
to struggle at a young
age should not be
and the struggle will
continue it circles

the worst part
will this make any difference
in the future
it just seems not

Sunday Dinner

today all day
was about family

aunts and uncles
cousins my mom and dad
sunday dinner
antipasto
macaroni gravy
meatballs porkbones braciole
all the ingrdients
for a typical Italian
sunday dinner

it is what we know

talked about the old days
Grandparents came thru
ellis ilsand landing in NJ
12 kids born in Newark NJ
starting in 1911
one room they lived
Grandma took care of them all
while Grandpa walked the
streets to find jobs
good or bad
if he had money
they ate
if no money came
they did not
hard life thay had
my uncles not able to
finish school
had to go work
my aunts cleaning
and cooking

however as they speak
there are smiles of
a happy life
they once new
all together the 12

5 are left
yes they are old
but they are here
for birthdays
for holidays
for barbeques
and so much more
call and they come

32 first cousins i have
no don't see them all
but the ones i do
are still the ones i
grew up with
we are the same
same same same

i am lucky to have
my family around me
very proud

squabbles yes
thru out the years
but we overcame
and here we are in 2006

we are "The Marcianos"

strong bonded commited

this is what we know

Weight

everday day i struggle
what do i eat
keep the calories low
fat free
no carbs

very hard i try
always watching
always questioning
wishing always
i can eat whatever i want
i know i can't

and even tho
i know i struggle
i also know i
could do more

exercise would help
laziness my middle name
always going to start
a exercise program
never do

so i watch
with hunger and envy
to keep my weight
the same
up 5 down 5
like stairs
always up and down

maybe someday
like all other maybe somedays
i will exercise

that would be
the best someday
for me

Night

night comes after day
365 times in 1 year
at the end of the day
night

sometimes just
don't fell tired
mind racing
of all the days events
so hard to just turn off
anticipation of the next day
things to do list
so all appear in my mind

read books
surf the web
in hopes that sleep will come

i wait with patience

and if i am lucky
once sleep takes me
i am fine
no stirring no restlessness
off i go

till tomorrow...

Laci

watched nbc katie
she talked with
Sharon Rocha
wow

this still baffles me
laci....connor
mother and son
scott killed
just as OJ did

divorce
so rapid all over
1 second and
a marriage is over
so easy to do in the
20th century

so why
can 1 be so desperate
that there is no way out
or so does their mind
tell them so
a mind
that is twisted

my heart hurts
for laci's mom
so pure she is
so true
protection she provided

and then came scott

why?

Work

crazy day @ work
mutitasking delegating
all day
trying to stay in control

owning a business
very stressful

does anyone
ever listen
can i be in
all places
at all times

it will never get
easier
it is what it is
my business
my baby

would i change it
absolutely not
will i still complain
absolutely
each and every day

i am me

Birthday

in all this sadness
forgot

your b'day fester
happy to u

great dinner
good food
your welcome

maybe someday

Miners

confusion havoc mayhem
we are told
they are with us
except 1
thru a back door
cell phone

fabrication

3 hrs later
mr hatfield
gone sorry "miscommunication"
all gone except 1

in 1 second ur life changes
feelings
elation to sorrow
how does 1 switch
feelings so quickly
without anger

media there
all the time
go away
the pressure
overwhelming

the 12 were alive
after the blast
oxygen masks on
a wall of paper
to keep out
the bad fumes

what does 1 think
when 1 knows

1 can only imagine
and hope 1
never knows

sorrow exists

Advice

y is it?
when someone
asks u 4 advice
u freely give it
trying so hard
to be diplomatic
yet honest

listening and listening
i do
so understanding i am
just trying

and then it happens
they just don't listen
coming back at u
over powering the conversation
defending themselves
disagreeing with all u say

and at the end
doing exactly
what u told them not
to do

i just don't get

y ask?

advice is like politics
and religion
not to be discussed

Choice?

first time on my blog
can't believe it
i have always wanted
to write my thoughts
so here is goes

tomorrow back to work
not sure if i am ready
but do i have a choice

am i where i want to be
in 2006
did it all turn out the way
it was supposed too
not at all
but do i have a choice

well yes of course i have
a choice and i have chosen
my life the way it is

actually not so bad
just some missing pieces
and thru this blog
perhaps i will find them
u know those missing
pieces 1 can never find

so again here it goes
good luck to me